


Half A Heart Without You

by Carried_by_the_Wind



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Basically Louis and Harry are idiots, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, I'm Really Shit At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mutual Pining, Niall and Liam are the Heroes this Story needs, Pining, They're also the Heroes I needed for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 07:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11801487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carried_by_the_Wind/pseuds/Carried_by_the_Wind
Summary: Harry and Louis have been friends since their earliest childhood and everything seems to work perfectly when they enter university together with Niall and Liam. But what happens when love becomes part of the equation and both of them are basically thick headed idiots?In which Louis and Harry are in love but don't realise it and Niall and Liam are tired of the bullshit (especially Niall to be honest).(Title may be changed)





	Half A Heart Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> This is the first fic I am publishing in English, as it is not my mother tongue, so please forgive me for any mistakes that may have got into this. Of course you can tell me if I made a major mistake and I will try to correct it.
> 
> I would love to get feedback from anyone who's willing to share their thoughts with me!  
> I hope you enjoy reading and now I will leave you to it :)
> 
> Before I forget it this fic is based on a tumblr post commented on by smol-meets-tol (https://volbeataddicted.tumblr.com/post/132890354417/smol-meets-tol-growgardens-okay-au-where) <\-- here's the link if you want to look at the post

It all started a few weeks into Uni. Harry, Louis, Niall and Liam had started studying in Manchester together. They had gotten two rooms in the university’s dorm that they now shared. Harry shared one with Niall, while Louis and Liam shared the other. Originally Louis and Harry had wanted to share a room but they had been lucky enough to even be assigned a room with their other friends, so there was no reason to be picky about that. And they had also concluded that the four of them would spend enough time together, anyway.

But then things got a little complicated...

It began with a little feeling inside of Harry’s chest every time he saw Louis flirting with another man. Every time he smiled that special smile only reserved for Harry. Every time someone made him laugh so hard his eyes crinkled at the sides.

Harry blamed it on the fact that he just had to get used to sharing his best friend with other people than Niall and Liam. Everybody loved Louis, wherever he went he was the centre of attention. A good feeling just radiated off him, so Harry couldn’t blame anybody. It didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t fully content with sharing, though so he made sure every boy AND girl knew that HE was Louis’ best friend.

“Mate you’ve gotta tone it down, a little.” Niall chuckled after Louis had gone to refill his drink. They were at one of their fellow students parties and the green eyed boy was constantly touching his best friend, which he totally blamed on the alcohol.  
“What? What am I doing?” Harry asked confused, sipping from the sugary liquor in his cup.  
“What you’re doing? Mate we all know you fancy Lou, a blind man could sense it through the entire room.” the Irish lad explained while Liam nodded as if to emphasise his friend’s words.  
“Oh bugger off, that’s not true. I do not fancy Lou, he’s my best friend. And now shut up, he’s coming back.” Harry defended himself and lightly shoved Niall with his shoulder, his cheeks slowly turning a delicate shade of pink. Louis and him? That was just ridiculous. Yeah, Louis was wonderful, gorgeous, clever, fun to be around, always here when you needed him most and … and Harry totally had to stop. This went too far, totally wrong direction.

“Missed me lots, lads?” Louis asked grinning, slinging his arm around Harry’s shoulder, which looked really cute, bordering on ridiculous because he stood on his tippy-toes to accommodate to Harry’s height.  
“’Course, Boo.” Harry smiled, is eyes a little dreamy. Niall just snorted into his cup at the scene that went down in front of him, while Liam tried to stifle his giggle with his hand.

Suddenly there was this tall, muscled, blond guy in front of them, that neither Harry nor Liam and Niall knew. Apparently Louis knew him because he greeted him, his face lighting up with a smile.  
“Could you, um... maybe come with me for a little?” the blond asked, scratching the back of his neck, a nervous smile plastered to his face.  
“Sure. Will be right back, lads.” the blue eyed boy shrugged, letting his arm slide off Harry’s shoulder and following the other guy.

They were hardly out of hearing range when Niall barked out a laugh, clutching his stomach and throwing his head back.  
“Haz, you look like you’re three seconds away from murdering that guy.”  
“Am not.” Harry pouted craning his neck to see where the two were going. The blond led Louis into a quiet corner of the large room, bending forward to whisper something into his ear. Something in Harry’s blood began to boil as the guy placed his hand on Louis’ waist, slowly wandering lower.

“Would you hold that for me, Liam? Just a second.” without waiting for an answer he thrust his cup into Liam’s hands and took off in the direction of the terrace. Harry stepped into the chilly night, heading towards a bench. He sat down, resting his elbows on his knees.  
“Shit,” Harry’s hands were shaking, his heart racing and a light sheen of sweat beading on his forehead, “shit, shit, shit.”

He was in love with his best friend. Harry was so fucked.

 

~

 

What he didn’t know was … Louis wasn’t doing any better.

Louis was pining. Hopelessly pining. But if you asked him, he’d deny it without even blinking. Because ... no he wasn’t bloody in love with his best friend Harry. He couldn’t be because that would make things complicated and he didn’t want it to be complicated. He liked how it was. Spending time with his three best friends. Cuddling up to Harry. Harry stealing food off his plate because he always did this and Louis didn’t complain. Just touching Harry in general was really nice. But in love? Never. No matter how often Liam and Niall would tease him about it. Louis was so not. in. love.

And yet he still felt that pang of jealousy when bloody Nick Grimshaw leaned over to whisper in Harry’s ear, making the curly haired boy laugh. Not only chuckle, no, it was one of his horse like laughs. Ripped from his throat without warning, splitting his face into an enormous grin, dimples carving into his cheeks.

“Are you going to eat your chicken, or are you trying to kill the poor thing a second time by stabbing it?” Liam said with a lopsided smile, a knowing sparkle in his eyes.  
“Aren’t we funny today.” Louis bit back, his fork screeching over the plate because he tried to pick up a piece of chicken with too much force. The three boys currently sitting at the table grimaced at the sound, all of them still a little hung-over from the night before.

They were at a little restaurant on the campus side, having lunch together. It was Sunday,  the day after the party and Harry had just spotted Grimshaw walking into the restaurant. And because Harry was a lovely boy he’d left his food and friends behind to go and talk to him. Which would have been totally fine, if it had been literally anyone else than Nick. Louis didn’t like Nick. Like … not at all. He was an arse, a complete idiot. This had nothing to do with the fact that Nick was taller than Louis, older than him, good looking and interested in Harry. Whoever said that was a complete idiot, too.

“Your food is getting cold, Harold.” Louis called over to the other table when he couldn’t take Nick’s flirting anymore. Harry stiffened in his motions, as if someone had hit him square on the head with a baseball bat. Had Louis done something wrong?  
“Ehrm... yeah... Comin’.” he excused himself and stood up to get back to his original seat across from Louis.  
“So ... ehm ... how’s your food?” Harry asked spiking one of his vegetables on a fork before popping it into his mouth.  
“Really good!” Niall grinned while shovelling Lasagna into his mouth. It was a wonder that he hadn’t already spit minced meat on everybody.  
“You want a bite?” pushing his plate a little towards Harry, Louis gave him a questioning look, a soft smile playing around his lips.  
“No, thanks.” and that was … weird. Harry always wanted something off his plate. He always stole something when Louis didn’t ask, said it tasted better when he snatched it off someone else’s plate, anyway. So why didn’t he want anything today. What had Louis done wrong?

“Okay.” the blue eyed boy averted his gaze, looking down on his plate while cutting another piece of chicken. Harry didn’t look up either, which led Liam to lightly shoving Niall’s foot under the table. As the Irish guy looked between the two lovebirds, as he liked to call them, he furrowed his brows. His gaze went back to Liam and he shrugged, mouthing ‘Something is off’, which was answered by Liam nodding and making his best ‘thinking face’. They had to do something about this. These two idiots would ruin what they had because they were too thick-headed to notice they were in love with each other.

 

~

 

The problem was Harry and Louis were more stubborn than Liam and Niall had thought. The changes weren’t visible for people that didn’t know them well. Just little things. They wouldn’t talk that much anymore. Which didn’t mean verbal conversation, it were the conversations they had while just looking at each other. Louis and Harry were capable of having a minute long talk just by ‘creepily staring at one another’ how Niall often called it. They would bond against Liam and Niall before the two even knew what was happening.  
So when Niall tried to trick them into bonding by teasing Liam, he really hoped it would work.  
“Liam’s a proper idiot, huh lads?” but they both just nodded not even looking up from their phones, mumbling something along the lines of ‘hm’, ‘sure Nialler’. You could just sense the tension between them, even though they were still sitting next to each other, knees touching, that habit, reflex by now even, too strong to be turned down from one second to the other.

Liam wanted to say something when suddenly Harry’s phone started ringing. The 19-year-old winced at the sound, a pained sound ripped from his throat as he accidentally pulled his short hair.  
“I ... have to take this.” Harry mumbled. He rose from his place on the couch, stumbling a little on his way outside because his coordination always resembled that of a baby giraffe when it came to walking on his ridiculously long legs.

“So what is wrong with you two?” Liam asked the second Harry had closed the door behind himself. A concerned look bloomed on his face, but when Louis looked to Niall to avoid it the exact same was written on the Irish boy’s face.  
“Nothing’s wrong … ‘S just not me day.” Louis mumbled and started to lightly chew on his thumb nail. And … why was he doing that? He only did that when he was nervous and there was no reason to be nervous. Liam and Niall were just a pain in the arse with their overprotectiveness  and Louis could really do without that.  
“Look Louis, you two can tell us a thousand times that everything is okay but you can’t fool us. We’re your best friends, we have eyes.” Niall said with a stern look. It was rare that the Irish sunshine got that serious but when he did you better didn’t lie to him because he would just look through the lies. Louis sighed heavily, combing his fingers through his messy fringe, he couldn’t take this interrogation any longer. He knew pretty well that Harry and him behaved strange, but he couldn’t do anything against it. He wanted to touch Harry, run his fingers through his short curls and the worst, he wanted to kiss him, taste his lips and never stop. And that was the one thing he could never do, he could never have Harry that way and it killed him, gnawed at his inside, left a sour taste on his tongue. So his natural reaction was to flee from this situation. Get away. As far as possible.  
“I … I really … I can’t … I have to go.” Louis frantically stood up and dashed out of the room, leaving his two friends behind, flabbergasted and mouths hanging open.

He ran past Harry who whipped his head around just to see Louis rounding the corner.  
‘Harry? Are you listening to me?’ Harry jerked, his phone nearly hitting the ground as his mum’s voice pierced through his thoughts, getting him out of his stupor.  
“I’m sorry mum but I have to hang up on you. I have to sort something out here.”  
‘That’s okay, love. You seemed a little distracted, anyway. Sort things out and call again when everything’s okay, yeah?’ his mum’s words were like honey. Running down his roughened soul, smoothing out the edges.  
“Thanks, mum. I love you.”  
‘I love you too, baby. Say hi to the others and … Harry?’  
“Yes, mum?”  
‘Talk to Louis.’ Harry couldn’t even say more than ‘How’ before she had ended the call, the smile that her words had carried through the phone a clear image in his head. His mum somehow always knew what was up with the two of them. Harry and Louis had never really fought, but she had always sensed when something was off, calling them out on their bullshit. How she did this over the phone, though was a mystery for Harry.

Taking one last settling breath Harry stepped back into his room eyeing Niall and Liam suspiciously.  
“What have you two done that Louis ran away like he’d seen a ghost?” the curly lad questioned, raising his left eyebrow with it.  
“You didn’t go after him?” Niall’s surprised tone caught Harry off guard, his foot jerking a little so that he stumbled a few steps ‘til he had reached the couch.  
“Uhm … no ... he … he looked like he … needed some space.” and that was probably the biggest lie Harry had told in a long time, because honesty was normally the key for him. When he had seen Louis running away … well everything he wanted to do was run after him and wrap his arms around him, comfort him, maybe kiss him a little. Which was … totally unacceptable. No kissing for Harry. The little glimpse he had gotten of his face before Louis disappeared had hit Harry right in the stomach. It felt like someone had stabbed a knife into his heart and had twisted it. There was surprise, fear and … hurt in his look. And two of these emotions were definitely wrong when it came to Louis.

But Harry simply couldn’t do anything! It felt wrong being near Louis when all Harry could think of were friendship inappropriate things he wanted to do to him. The green eyed boy felt like he’d betray his best friend, take advantage of him even though he didn’t DO anything.

“Earth to Harry! You still there?” suddenly Niall’s hand waving in front of Harry’s face came into vision again. Harry flinched surprised by Niall’s hand, he had been totally out of it for a moment.  
“No … I mean yes. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day and I’m a little tired. Mum called, says I should say ‘Hi’” he tried to change the topic to that. Distracting the two a little with his mum.

Although Harry didn’t believe in it, it worked. They both thanked him, telling him that he should greet her back when calling again. Maybe Liam and Niall both sensed that Harry didn’t want to talk about Louis and just accepted it. He should have known better than that.

 

While Harry dealt with handling Niall and Liam, which meant avoiding every topic that had to do with a certain blue-eyed boy, said boy was walking down an empty street, hands in the pockets of his Jeans and his gaze fixed on the black pavement in front of him. Louis was slightly freezing because of the cold November weather and he hadn’t exactly planned on fleeing from his friends so he had forgotten his jacket. But going back wasn’t even an option. He couldn’t face Liam, Niall and especially Harry, now. Louis also needed some time to sort through the mess of thoughts in his head.

His brain was packed with notions of Harry laughing when he’d find out about Louis’ feelings, with Harry trying to distance himself when Louis’ feelings were revealed. Because ... of course he would stop spending time with the blue-eyed boy, their friendship was on a level of constant touching and knowing what the other thought at any moment, it would be a natural reaction to try and stop that. Everybody would do that, especially Harry who’d think that it was his mistake for sending Louis false signals. That he was the one that unintentionally ruined what they had had and that was complete bullshit. It was Louis’ fault that he fell in love with his best friend, the way he talked like every word mattered, his ridiculous curls that were short but curling nonetheless and his shining, nearly blinding personality.

So Louis made a decision. He had to distance himself from Harry. He had to stop reaching out to him. He had to make sure that Harry thought it was Louis’ fault that they weren’t as close anymore. But he also had to make sure that they stayed friends. Louis couldn’t think of a live completely without Harry and wouldn’t want that anyway, he’d be helpless.

 

~

 

Harry, however noticed. Of course he noticed, he wasn’t that dumb. He was suspicious the moment Louis chose the armchair instead of the place on the couch, next to him. He noticed the way Louis winced under Harry’s touch, like Harry’s hand was made out of pure fire, burning his skin with every touch.

The problem was … Harry blamed it on himself. He thought that Louis had found out about his feelings, that he could see right through him. Because Harry was obvious, wasn’t he? Oh god, he had made a fool out of himself without recognising that soon enough. How could he ever look Louis in the eye again? He had to move away. As far as possible. Alaska! No that was still too close. But how about...

“South pole.” Harry mumbled to himself.  
“You’re not moving to the south pole, Harry.” a pillow hit Harry square in the face as Niall said those words.  
“What the fuck, Niall?” how had he known what Harry had meant? Sometimes Niall was really strange, because he could comprehend a situation within a few seconds without anyone noticing that. He was like … a ninja-friend.  
“And now get your lazy arse off of the bed, we’re going to the pub.”  
“Fine.” Harry grumbled as he pushed his body into a sitting position. Niall could also be a right pain in the arse if he wanted to be.  
“Payno and Tommo are already waiting.” Harry froze. He was pretty sure that he couldn’t face Louis today. He just couldn’t.  
“Actually-“  
“No! Don’t ‘actually’ me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week. You can’t just sod off now.” one could hear the anger in the Irish lad’s voice which made Harry feel bad because all Niall wanted was for them to be the same. The truth was, though, that they weren’t.  
“I promised Gemma to Skype with her?” he stuttered a little, making it sound more like a question than anything else.  
“I don’t believe you.” Niall simply uttered.  
“Y-you don’t believe me?”  
“No. Call her. Now. Then I’ll believe you.” stubbornness was written on the blonds’ face, which told Harry that he had to grasp the nettle and call his sister. All he could hope for was that Gemma was online and would accept his call, otherwise he’d be fucked.

The green eyed boy opened his laptop, nervously fumbling with his lilac jumper while the thing booted up.

When he had finally opened Skype he was relieved to see the little green circle next to his sister’s name. He clicked on the camera symbol to start a video chat and the typical dialling sound came through the lousy speakers of his laptop. Harry bit his lip while the time stretched on and on, Gemma not answering the call. After a certain time the connection broke because she hadn’t answered.

“So, how do you explain that?” Niall said, is arms crossed over his chest.

“I … She’s probably in the bathroom or something like that. I- I wanted to call her in an hour or so. I’ll try again.”

“Fine.” Niall snorted, so the curly haired boy pressed the button again and prayed to the heavens above that his sister would just answer the goddamn call. He got more nervous with every beep that cut through the silence and had nearly given up all hope when finally there was a crack and Gemma’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hey little brother I wasn’t-“

“Yeah, I know you weren’t expecting me just now,” Harry interrupted his sister before she could give away anything. “But I forgot to tell Niall that we were about to have a Skype date tonight so I couldn’t go to the pub with them.”

“Oh, hey Niall!” Gemma waved at the blond through the screen.

“Niall didn’t believe me.  He thought that I was just using a sorry excuse to not go.” Harry put subtle emphasis on the last part of his words and hoped that Gemma would get the hint.

“Oh!” she exclaimed and grinned at Niall, “Yeah Harry’s telling the truth. I wanted to rant about my assignment a little. I’m really sorry I’m ruining pub night for you guys.”

“No problem, Gem.” Niall said, though you could still hear that he was angry.

“I still don’t fully believe you Harry but whatever. Bye Gemma.” he stood up and left the room closing the door a little too loudly.

 

“So pumpkin, what’s the matter. You’re not randomly calling me on a Thursday night for nothing.”  
Harry gasped exasperated, dramatically clutching his heart.  
“I’m wounded that you think so little of me. And I actually AM calling you on random weekdays, you minx.”  
“Yeah, yeah now spill.” she waved her hand in a way that totally meant ‘I don’t care about your great brotherly skills, I want to know what’s up’.  
“I … _neededanexcusetonotgotothepubwiththelads_.” he said that without taking a single breath, a heavy contrast to his usual slow drawl of words.  
“Woah little brother, I’m not used to this speed of words. But did I hear correctly and you’re only taking advantage of my big, big heart to get away from Louis?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow. Harry visibly shrinking under his sister’s inquisitive stare only confirmed her in her assumptions. Harry hadn’t expected any less because Gemma knew. Of course he’d told her about his feelings, the girl that was so similar to her brother an important part of Harry’s life. He told her basically everything.  
He was just about to apologise to Gemma when she held her left hand up to signal that Harry shouldn’t speak.  
“Don’t even TRY to apologise, Haz. It was a joke. I’m not mad. I just want you to know that you should just talk to Lou.”  
“I can’t, Gems. I just can’t tell my best friend that I’m bloody in love with him. But I think he found out anyway. He’s acting strange, you know?”  
“Strange? How so?”  
“Uhm … It’s like were walking on eggshells around each other and this may sound strange but … we’re not ... he’s avoiding me. We’re not as physical as we used to be.” there was a sadness in the green eyes that was even notable through the shitty laptop camera and it broke Gemma’s heart.  
“Oh love, don’t be sad, I’m sure everything will be fine in the end. And sorry to say it that way, but you both have to get your heads outta your arses.”

A smile crept on Harry’s face while he wiped away a stray tear tumbling down his cheek.

The two kept talking for a while about Harry’s courses and Gemma’s work. Both of them a bit stressed at the moment but happy that they still found time to talk to each other.

And while Harry was chatting along with Gemma, Niall and Liam were at the pub with neither Harry, nor Louis. The last of the two feigning a sick stomach so that he didn’t have to go.

“Unbelievable these two.” Niall growled into his pint. He was still mad that BOTH of his friends had abandoned Liam and him. It wasn’t like they didn’t have fun alone, it was just the fact that it had always been the four of them, not only two.  
“I know what you mean, Niall. There is something we have to do. Sometimes I just wanna lock them into a basement or something where they would HAVE to talk.” suddenly Liam had a very happy Niall clinging to him, giving him a wet kiss on the cheek.  
“Liam, you’re a genius!!” the blond boy exclaimed loudly, which caused a lot of people to look their way but Niall being Niall simply didn’t care.  
“Niall, what? We can’t lock them in a basement, mate. We don’t even have one.”  
“Yeah, well obviously, smart ass. But we’ve got a roof on our dorm, haven’t we. Just lock ‘em there.”  
“Do you want to give them pneumonia? It’s blimmin cold outside.”  
“Oh Liam, ... Liam, Liam, Liam. You obviously still have a lot to learn. There’s this thing called jackets, you know. Also … Their love will keep them warm and all that romantic shit.” Niall explained with wide movements of his arms, that prompted Liam to duck his head a little so Niall wouldn’t hit him in the face.  
“Alright, calm down. But when exactly are we doing this?”  
“I got this!”

 

~

 

Today was the day. Today was the day that Harry was going to tell Louis. But not now. He’d tell him when they were at home. Because it was the twenty-third of December and the four of them were about to head home, so when Louis would reject him, Harry wouldn’t have to deal with him during the trip home. He could just curl into a ball onto the couch.  Maybe cry a little, watch some chick flick and cuddle with his mum.

He really shouldn’t think that way. Everybody else was surprisingly sure about Louis and him being a perfect match, so he should probably be that confident about it, too. He would smash it and then Louis and him would live happily ever after. With a cat and a dog. And at least 5 babies. Okay maybe he was a bit exaggerating. A lot ... it was more like a lot of exaggeration here.

Harry sighed loudly, pushing himself up from his bed and stretching so that his back popped a few times. He would go and check on Niall, Liam and Louis. The Irish lad had disappeared half an hour ago to check on Li and Louis to see if they were ready, so that they could all head home together in two hours. Starting now with the being brave part and trying to act normal in Louis’ presence. The green eyed boy needed to change something between them because they weren’t interacting at all. No calls, no texts, no talking and how were you supposed to tell someone you were in love with them when the last time you saw each other was days ago and you didn’t even talk then.

He checked his short curly hair a last time before exiting through the door and strolling down the hall. The closer he got to Louis’ room the more nervous he got. It wasn’t that he thought Louis would throw him out or say something, it was just the typical feeling he had grown so accustomed to in the last weeks. Clammy hands, his heart starting to beat faster in his chest and the feeling of a thousand butterflies in his stomach. Just seeing Louis was hard because it hit Harry how perfect the guy in front of him was. Louis was the actual sun and just so kind, but also sassy and quick-witted, all curvy but sharp angles at the same time. Harry wondered how someone could NOT fall in love with him, so it was just understandable that he was nervous.

The green-eyed boy knocked on the door and then slowly opened it. He heard Liam say something along the lines of ‘How do we tell him?’ before it went totally silent.

“Everything alri-?” Harry began to ask while opening the door completely, but the words got stuck in his throat when he was able to see the whole room. Liam was there and Niall was there but the one person Harry had hoped to see … was gone. Totally gone, not only in the bathroom or hidden behind a door. He. was. gone.  
“Where’s Louis?” the 19-year old questioned with a raised eyebrow.  
“Oh, H! Well-“  
“Don’t even TRY to lie, Liam. Just tell me where he is. I’m tired of this.” a sigh escaped his lips without warning. Maybe he was more tired of it than he had thought.  
“Louis went home. Apparently a few hours ago.” Niall sighed as well, sounding equally as tired as Harry had.  
“Sorry, I don’t think I correctly understood what you were saying.”  
“He’s gone, H. Just left a note for us, didn’t even say goodbye in person.” and there it was, the feeling that had been missing the first time Niall had said the words that now came out of Liam’s mouth. It was like a punch to the gut. Every word another swing right to the same spot. Louis was gone. Hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye to Liam or Niall. They were all living in the same bloody village and had agreed on going home together and now Louis was already at home. He had probably gotten sick just from the idea of spending a long ride home with Harry and that was why he had decided to leave. Louis hated Harry, that was for sure.

“Haz, why are you so pale, suddenly?” Niall was at his side in an instant, hugging his friend close to his chest.  
“He hates me, doesn’t he? That’s why he went without us.” Harry buried his head in the crook of Niall’s neck, a sob escaping his mouth without warning. Suddenly there was a second body engulfing him from behind, Liam pressing a kiss to the back of his head.  
“Harry, don’t even think that, love. Louis could never hate you, even if you burnt all his Rovers jerseys.” the only answer Liam got was a unidentifiable sound muffled into Niall’s jumper.

 

~

 

Louis held his breath while he was opening the door to his family’s house. He was hoping on sneaking in without anyone noticing. Louis just needed a little time to think about … basically everything. Because ... he HAD just sneaked away from his friends without telling them. He was a coward, just afraid to finally tell Harry what he was feeling.

But it was so hard when all they had been talking in the last weeks were the occasional ‘His’ and ‘How are you?’, ‘Good thanks’. The blue eyed boy was tired of it. He missed his best friend, missed the cuddles, the hanging out together and what he probably missed the most was the emotional connection. Louis just felt dull without Harry, without his quirky jokes, his goofy self and Harry’s kindness. Harry was so, so kind to everyone and now Louis had to live without that and it really hurt.

After closing the door Louis turned around but stopped dead in his tracks in an instant. One of his sisters was standing in front of him, a suspicious look spreading over her face. It was like Lottie could see right through him and knew exactly WHY he was sneaking into his home at such an ungodly hour.

“I just want to ask one question. Why exactly are you sneaking into the house like you’re a criminal on the run?” the quirk of her eyebrow made her expression even more inquisitive.

“Why exactly are you awake at this hour when you’ve got holidays?”

Louis won’t lie. He’s trying to distract her. It may not be the nicest thing he’s ever done but drastic times call for drastic measures and it seemed to work. Lottie’s hand closed a little tighter around the mug of tea she was holding, the long sleeves of her jumper covering her hands. She sniffed a little, her nose scrunching from the small movement.

“Couldn’t sleep and I’m feeling a bit poorly.”

Louis dropped his bag and was at his sister’s side in an instant. He hadn’t even thought about it for a second, it was second nature to him, being there for his sisters, that is. When he had still been living at home, he had been like a nurse every time one of his girls had been ill.

“Let’s get you on the couch, love.” the blue eyed boy combed his fingers gently through his sister’s blond hair. Lottie nodded in agreement and together the two of them made their way to the living room, settling on the couch. The blonde cuddled into her brother’s side, carefully sipping her tea before resting her head on Louis’ shoulder.

“Lou?”

“Yes, Lots.”

“I know you’re trying to distract me and just let me tell you this one thing … I’ll let it slide for now, because I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to sleep a little more, now. But you’re going to tell me later.” she kissed Louis’ cheek and then put her mug on the coffee table before returning to her spot in her brother’s arms.

“Cheeky monkey.” Louis grinned while getting the both of them into a lying position and taking a duvet with himself to cover them.

“Learnt from the best, didn’t I?” Lottie giggled while closing her eyes.

“That you did.”

 

~

 

The next time Louis woke up, it was to two little bodies jumping onto the couch, more precisely, jumping on him. His eyes snapped open and his hands shot out to protect his lower region, which proved to be the right idea because Phoebe nearly kneed him in the balls.

“Woah, slow down you munchkins, I didn’t plan on dying on this sofa.” Louis mumbled sleepily, still a bit bleary eyed because of the sudden interruption of his sleep. But neither Phoebe nor Daisy paid attention to their brother’s words. They were too preoccupied with babbling away happily.

“Looouuu, you’re baaack!” they both squealed in unison, demanding a cuddle from Louis. Being the big brother he was, he didn’t need to be asked twice before opening his arms and wrapping them up in the biggest hug he could offer.

“I missed you.” Phoebe mumbled into his hair and then buried her head into the crook of Louis’ neck. Louis squeezed her just that tiny bit tighter while Daisy was already done cuddling and hurried away, to god knew where, so the brown haired boy used both his arms to hug his other sister. A sigh of relief escaped Louis’ lips as the tension of the last days was lifted from his shoulders. Being at home, having his little sisters around already worked miracles for his bruised soul.

“I missed you, too, Phoebs.” he placed a light kiss on Phoebes cheek which caused her to erupt into a fit of giggles. “Your beard tickles.” she laughed.

“Oh, does it?” he asked, mischief sparkling in his eyes, before he grabbed his sister and began to tickle her merciless. Phoebe squealed and flailed her arms and legs everywhere, trying to escape her brother’s attack. But Louis wasn’t having any of that, he had had the chance of perfecting his tickle-skills on four sisters and Harry. One could say Louis was the master of tickling.

“Looouiiiis.” Phoebe wheezed, already out of breath.

“Boo Bear, didn’t I tell you, not to tickle your sisters to death?” his mother’s voice asked from behind Louis, laughter bubbling through. As the blue eyed boy heard his mother’s voice he let go of Phoebe, who sighed in relief, and turned around to face his mum.

“Hey mum.” he smiled sheepishly. Louis had the feeling that his mum would instantly sense that something was wrong. Because mothers did that weird thing where they would look right through you and then lecture you.

“Oh, c’mere and give your mother a proper hello.” Johannah smiled and opened her arms. Louis didn’t have to be asked twice before standing up and hugging his mum close to himself. And that was the moment Louis was home. His mum’s arms had always been his safe space. When someone had been mean to him, Johannah had always been there to comfort her son and that was exactly how it felt right now. Comforting.

“I’ve missed you, Boo.”

“Of course you did. I’m the light of your life.” Louis joked around.

“Oh shush.” Johannah fake scolded her son by lightly hitting him on the arm. But the sparkle in her eyes told Louis that he was totally right. Johannah loved every single one of her children more than anything else and she was especially proud of her oldest son for going his own way. But she also knew that Louis sometimes wasn’t thinking through what he was going to do. Coming home from uni in the middle of the night was definitely one of these things and Johannah Poulston wouldn’t be Johannah Poulston if she couldn’t find out what had ridden her son to flee from his friends … more precisely that one friend. Louis could say whatever he wanted but a mother knew when her son was in love and when that person was as wonderful as Harry Styles … well then a mother had to do what was best for her son and potential son-in-law.

“And now you get your bum into the kitchen and have breakfast with us.” a pat on said bum let the blue eyed boy squawk before he really made his way to the breakfast table.

 

~

 

After having breakfast, all of Louis’ sisters vanished into the depths of their home and the 19-year old helped his mum with the dishes. Having six people to feed produced its fair share of dirty dishes that had to be cleaned up.

“How’s uni going?” Jay asked while passing over a plate to her son, so that he could dry it with a towel.

“Oh, you know … the usual. Lectures, papers to write, parties to celebrate, exams to take.” he waved his hand with the plate around in a dramatic gesture, like he always did when he tried to cover up his nervousness.

A small smile crept on his mum’s face as she watched Louis from the corner of her eyes, mischief sparkling in them. She knew exactly what she’d ask next to get him out of his shell, or more precisely to throw him off his feet.

“So … have you met anyone … special, yet?” Louis nearly dropped the plate in his hands because of how hard his whole body jerked at the mention of a potential boyfriend. His mum was evil. Knew how to push all of his buttons.

“Mum!”

“What? Lou, it was just a question. I didn’t ask you to grant me with grandchildren tomorrow.” Jay laughed at the sudden outburst of red on her son’s cheeks. However, she came back to the topic at hand, rather fast. “And now tell me … what have you done that you thought you had to flee from Harry?”

The next thing that could be heard was the breaking of porcelain on the kitchen tiles and a loud curse that definitely hadn’t been child appropriate.

“Louis!”

“Shit, fuck. I’m sorry!” the blue eyed boy cursed, tearing at his hair.

“It’s okay, love. But … no swearing.” his mum smiled and organised a dustpan out of nowhere to get rid of the broken plate on the floor.

“I’m so sorry.” Louis sighed while squatting down and collecting the big shards of porcelain in his hand to help his mother.

 

~

 

“And now speak.” were the only three words Louis heard, while a cuppa was placed in front of him on the kitchen table.

“Fine.” he sighed. He did that a lot during the last weeks. Sighing. But it was the best way of expressing how he felt most of the time, Louis just felt like sighing.

“I’m in love with Harry, mum.” the words were muffled into the cup of tea but Jay heard them nonetheless.

“Oh, thank god!” Johannah exclaimed happily, her eyes crinkling at the edges because of how hard she was smiling.

“What? Mum, you don’t understand.”

His mum had definitely gone crazy. She was out of her mind. How could she think that this was a good thing? He should check if she was fevered.

“Louis, look. From what I can see you’re in lo- oh, don’t look at me like that, you’re in love and now you got scared that Harry might not feel the same. Now let me take a wild guess and say that’s the reason you came here at the ass crack of dawn, pardon my language.” the 19-year old was dumbstruck. Literally flabbergasted. His mum was like god. How did she know those things?

“How?”

“Boo Bear, please. I am your mother and you and Harry have been attached at the hip since you were toddlers. I’m not ashamed to tell you that since both of you came out, Anne and I have been placing bets on when you’ll get together.”

“Well, thanks to my idiotism that won’t ever happen.” Louis groaned, while burying his face in his hands. Johannah smiled down at her son fondly, combing a hand through Louis’ slightly dishevelled hair.

“Whatever happened, love, I’m sure that’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

“We haven’t talked in weeks, mum. And I feel horrible. I miss him like hell. I’m not whole without him, as sappy as that sounds.”

“That doesn’t sound sappy at all, love. Just natural. But now tell me, why haven’t you talked in weeks? That sounds so unusual for you two.” she took a sip of her own tea, one of the twins calling for the other in the distance.

“I don’t really know. We have had lunch a few weeks ago and … I know that sounds like nothing at all but he didn’t … he didn’t want to try my food and you know he always does that. And after that it just got worse and then I figured that I was in love with Harry and I thought it would be best to … to keep my distance. Because you know Harry and … and-“

“Louis, love, slowly. You’re talking faster than the twins when they’re excited.” Johannah put her hand on Louis’ soothingly, her thumb caressing her son’s wrist.

“I’m sorry. It’s all so frustrating because now we don’t talk at all and because I’m a wimp, I fled. I couldn’t face him for the ride home, so I short circuited and came here in the middle of the night. Didn’t even tell Liam or Niall about it.”

“You really have to make this up to them, especially Harry. The poor guy probably thinks that you hate him.”

“But,” a confused look formed on Louis’ face, “I left all of them.”

“But Harry is smart, love. And I would bet all my money that he’s in love with you too and now thinks you found out but don’t like him that way … so you left.”

“I would ne-“

“But Harry doesn’t know that and let me remind you that you fled, too.”

Louis’ head met the table with a loud _thunk_. He was an idiot. A proper idiot. How could he forget what his friends would think when he left without a warning. Especially Harry. Of course he would blame it on himself, regarding the situation the two were in at the moment. He had probably been really upset, still was, and that was all Louis’ damn fault.

“God, I’m so bloody stupid.”

“You get a little ahead of yourself, sometimes. But I’m sure everything will finally figure itself out. You better go and spend some time with your sisters now. They really missed you.” Jay gave her son a smile and little pat on the cheek, before he stood up and made his way upstairs.

Before disappearing completely, Louis turned around and thanked his mum with a small smile.

Harry was always at the back of his mind but Louis’ family really helped to soften the ache of missing the curly haired boy.

 

~

 

“You can do this. Just ring that bell. It’s his birthday.” Harry whispered these words to himself like a mantra while he was on his way to the Tomlinson’s door. After coming home yesterday he had cuddled up to his mum and had told her everything before making dinner with her. Gemma and Anne had told him that he should go and talk to Louis but Harry thought that this wouldn’t be a good idea. At least not on his birthday. He didn’t want to ruin anything. So he would just drop off Louis’ birthday present, hopefully to someone else than Louis and then he’d head home again.

When he came to a halt in front of the door, Harry took a final deep breath before ringing the bell. The seconds between ringing and the noise of someone getting to the door were probably the toughest ones in Harry’s life, if you asked him.

When the door opened a wave of relief flooded him from head to toe, as Lottie’s face appeared in the gap between door and frame. As she looked up and saw Harry a smile formed on her face and she was about to call out for her brother. Luckily the green eyed boy was fast enough to signalise her with frantic hand movements that he didn’t want to talk to Louis.

“Lots, who is it?”

Harry froze. _No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, don’t come to the door. I don’t want to have this conversation right now._ His heart was beating a mile a minute. However Lottie saved his sorry arse by quickly turning around and closing the door a little.

“Just for me. One of the girls. I’ll be back in a few.” and with that she slipped through the door, closing it behind herself. Thanks to the few stairs she was a little taller than Harry and had to look down.

Before he could even say a word, he had an arm full of girl, Charlotte hugging him close.

“First of all … hello.” she grinned up at him and Harry began to smile involuntarily.

“Hello, little one.” the curly haired boy smirked because he knew that Lottie didn’t like it to be called small … just like her brother.

“Oh, shut up. Tell me why you don’t want to see my brother.”

“Straight to business, then.” Harry sighed.

“’Course. I’m not wasting any time … it’s bloody cold outside.”

“Do you want my coat?”

“Harry.” Charlotte sighed, shaking her head with it so Harry knew he wouldn’t get out of this.

“We’ve got some … difficulties. But I’m working on it and I wanted to drop off his Birthday and Christmas present. Could you maybe smuggle it under the Christmas tree?”

The 19-year old tried his best puppy eyes on Louis’ sister, knowing that it would be hard to convince the younger girl. She was like Louis but maybe a bit more stubborn when it came to things that weren’t completely explained to her.

“Oh, please don’t look at me like that. I’ll do it … but you have to promise me that you’ll sort things out together.”

“You’re wonderful. Thanks so much, Lots.” the curly haired boy gave Charlotte a kiss on the cheek before handing over a neatly wrapped present in the size of a paperback. But one could figure that it certainly wasn’t a paperback.

Harry just hoped that Louis would like it.

 

~

 

Neither Harry nor Louis contacted the other on Christmas. Because they were wimps, according to Niall and Liam.

Of course Louis had found the present Harry had given to Charlotte the day before. He knew it was from Harry the second he had seen it. Neatly wrapped, little penguins with bows on the paper and a card that read ‘To Lou’ in Harry’s unmistakable handwriting. The blue eyed boy had choked a little when he’d seen the little package. He’d been so scared, he didn’t even open the thing.

It was laying at the bottom of his bag now. Untouched since Christmas and Louis wasn’t planning on opening it in the near future.

 

~

 

A few days after New Year’s Eve all four of them were at University again and the situation was bow-taut, Louis and Harry tip toeing around each other, which made Niall and Liam go crazy. Literally go crazy. The Irish lad was non-stop ranting to his brown haired friend that Louis and Harry were “a shower of cunts”.

Of course he didn’t say that when one of them was around because even if one thought that Niall was just having a laugh most of the time, he actually cared about the people around him and knew it would hurt his best friends if he said those things.

“And you think that we can do this?” Liam asked unsure while overlooking the campus from the position he was in.

“Yes Liam, I think we can do that. This place is perfect and now we both text these morons. You tell Lou to meet you at your room and I tell Harry to meet me up here. Simple.”

“I can’t believe we’re about to lock them on that damn roof.” Liam sighed, pulling his phone out of his pocket to write Louis.

“Well, me neither but these dickheads won’t learn it any other way. So we gotta play cupid a little.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing, mate.”

 

~

 

“Why exactly are we up here, Niall?” a sceptical look grazed Harry’s face as he let his vision wander around.

“I just wanted to show you that we could celebrate your birthday here.”

“I really think that this is not allowed, Niall. How did you even get the keys for the doors?”

“Don’t ask, young Harold. You don’t want to get involved in this.” Niall snickered while walking towards the door. Liam had just texted him, that he and Louis were on their way up and that the blond guy should be prepared to flee from the situation because they had agreed on leaving the two alone while they sorted things out.

“You’re probably right.” Harry sighed and watched the people on the campus. They were all looking small from up here and his own problems seemed to be smaller, too, less important than in his own room.  Where he was standing he could hardly be seen from the door, which Niall hadn’t even planned but it was a great advantage anyway.

Probably half a minute later Niall heard footsteps coming up the stairs and there were Liam and Louis on the roof, too.

“Nialler what are you doing here?” Louis greeted him surprised but with a smile on his lips. Liam winked at the Irish boy behind Louis’ back while said boy entered the roof a little more, bringing much needed distance between himself and the door.

“Oh, you know just chilling a little. It’s a good place to just think or have some time for yourself.” Niall explained staying close to the door.

“Niall who are you tal-“ Harry stopped his sentence as he saw Louis, his posture stiffening. Louis wasn’t any better. He stared at Harry for a few long seconds and then his head snapped to Liam and Niall. The two boys at the door realised, as soon as Harry and Louis started to walk towards them, what they were up to.

“Don’t even TRY to get past us!” Niall said with emphasis, “Listen, I don’t care if you two decide to not be friends anymore or have sex on this roof. Just figure this out.” and with these words the two vanished and closed the door behind them.

‘ _Fuck_ ’ Louis thought as he heard Harry slumping to the ground a heavy sigh escaping his lips. But Louis had nothing to lose so he turned around and sat down next to the curly haired boy who fidgeted a little uncomfortably.

~

Twenty minutes later and none of them had said a word so far, they were doing great! Harry was fidgeting with his hands, which made Louis more nervous than he already was so he looked towards the edge of the roof.

‘ _Would it be easier to throw myself off this roof than to have this conversation now?_ ’ what was Louis even thinking?

“Why aren’t we friends anymore?” Harry suddenly blurted out interrupting Louis’ train of thought. The blue eyed boy couldn’t help but laugh a little nervously at this.

“What are you talking about, Harold? Of course we are friends.” but he couldn’t even look Harry in the eyes while saying this without feeling a strong need to jump him. There was silence between them again and Harry nearly went crazy. He couldn’t stand this uncomfortable silence, he wasn’t used to this when it came to Louis and him. And because Harry’s brain had never worked well in stress situations he blurted out the next thing that came to his mind.

“What do you think Liam and Niall would say if we really had sex up here?” Harry was about to lose his mind. Really? That was the best thing he could think of? But it seemed to work because Louis started laughing. A real laugh, the kind of laugh Harry hadn’t heard from him in weeks and the best thing was that _Harry_ made him laugh like that even though it was just cause he was ridiculous.

“Well, Payno would turn white as a sheet of paper and Niall would probably just high five us.” now Harry was laughing too and it felt good because he was laughing with Louis like they hadn’t in weeks. They were laughing so hard that Harry’s belly started aching from it and he leaned in Louis’ direction to lessen the pain. But as soon as they were aware of how close they were now the laughter faded and they were just looking at each other. Louis was staring at Harry’s lips and they were suddenly leaning close to each other, so close that Louis could now count Harry’s eyelashes if he wanted to.

“I’ve been avoiding you for weeks.” Harry whispered nearly inaudible. Louis looked up into his eyes and whispered “Why?” as silently as Harry. He knew that he should’ve probably said something else but he wanted to know this now. Harry met his gaze and seemed to gather some courage before he said, “It’s hard when you know you’re falling in love with someone but you don’t want anything to change.”

That rendered Louis speechless so Harry continued with a small humourless laugh, “But I guess I kinda failed at this anyway considering we haven’t spoken in weeks and I just kinda told you I’m in love with you so.” he was rambling again.

“Have you ever though that I want things to change?” Louis asked and that made Harry speechless but he wouldn’t even have had the time to answer because Louis closed the distance between them and kissed Harry, knocking the breath out of him. Harry felt like he was floating, floating on clouds made of cotton candy. If this was how it felt to be kissed by Louis, Harry wouldn’t survive for a long time. His hands were trembling so he gripped Louis’ jumper and pulled him closer which resulted in Louis making a surprised noise in the back of his throat. Adrenaline was rushing through both of their veins and Harry had lost every sense of time he had ever possessed. When they finally separated again it felt like hours had passed but also like it hadn’t been enough time at all.

Harry’s lips were slightly swollen which made them look even more forbidden than they already did and Louis had to restrict himself from kissing him senseless.

“Have you gotten my present for you?” Harry asked and looked like he was a little shy 5-year-old again which let Louis’ heart melt into a puddle of goo. Nonetheless he had to tell him now that he had in fact gotten it but hadn’t unwrapped it ‘til now.

“I have but I’m afraid I was too much of a wimp to open it.”

“Wait a sec.” Harry said and fished his phone out of his unbelievably tight pants. He unlocked it and tapped on the screen a few times before he held it out to Louis.

“I took a picture of it before I wrapped it.” Louis’ breath hitched as he saw what it was. It was a picture of them when they were about six years old, Louis was grinning widely into the camera while Harry was smacking a wet kiss to his cheek his arms slung around Louis’ torso. It was placed inside a beautiful wooden frame that read the words _Thank you for being my best friend_ on it.

There were tears streaming down Louis’ face and as he threw himself in Harry’s arms he sobbed loudly.

“I honestly don’t deserve you, Harold.”

Harry wrapped his arms around him and pressed him against his chest, placing a kiss on the top of his head. “I think we deserve each other very much a lot.”

~

Later that evening Niall and Liam decided that it was time to let them off of the roof again.

“What do we do if they are really having sex up there?” Liam asked a bit scared as they were climbing the stairs up to the door.

“Don’t be such a cry-baby, Payno. We’ll see what they are doing when we come up there.” Niall laughed loudly, taking the keys out of his pocket to unlock the door. When they both entered the roof they weren’t greeted by something as scarring as their best friends having sex but by them being cuddled up against each other and sleeping soundlessly.

“Told you that would work.” Niall grinned widely. He took his phone out of his pocket and quickly snapped a few pictures of them.

“I’m never gonna let them hear the end of this.” he announced triumphantly.

**Author's Note:**

> That was basically it. I hope you liked it and I would be happy to hear from you as I am still improving my writing and you can't do that without feedback :)


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